OFficial evobiographer: BErnice COsworth | 1995 |
THe story of the CRiMiNALS of EVØLU†iØN begins with the fuzzywuzzy balladeering of BEe BOp, a depressive, chubby, charmless zero from Kingston, London. AFter playing guitar in a bunch of despicable heavy metal bands with silly names he gave up six-strings and settled on four phat ones. AS a bassist he set about looking for other like minded idiots who could compliment the unusual and conflicting elements of raw punk metal, tekno-rave, nastie hip-hop and sublime jazz.

OBviously it would take some time to build up a nuclear family of globe-threatening cyberpunx so the very first concerts were solo efforts in one-room shit-holes in BRighton (south coast UK). DUring his debut performance, after receiving the dubious applause of an inebriated crowd BEeb replied "Don't patronise me." before trying his level best to turn their eardrums inside-out. THe rot had already set in.

MY favourite song from this period was called SO GUtted but many of the songs performed then became the catalysts of later choons such as CHanctonbury RIng, LIke a JUggernaut or ZIppadeefuckingdoodah. THe BOy from BRighton PIer, a twangy semi-acoustic number from this period, remains a staple of the C of E diet and often rears its not-so-ugly head.